STORKS ARE BITCHES

At my annual OBGYN routine check up in July 2013, I informed my OBGYN that JM and I plan to start trying around the new year. I decided to go off birth control right around Christmas in 2013 to let my cycle start getting back to “normal.” JM and I decided – whatever happens, happens. We didn’t want to actually plan to “try” for the first 6 months. If it’s July 2014 and I’m still not pregnant, then we’d actually “try.” Like, time everything kind of try.

Month after month after month, the river still ran red, and we were disappointed and thought back to high school sex education classes, where they can’t tell you enough how it only takes one time. Turns out that wasn’t true for us. HIGH SCHOOL SEX ED TEACHERS – YOU LIED TO US!

July came around and we decided to actually “try.” I purchased the 100 pack of ovulation strips off amazon.com (highly recommend them BTW), and every month I knew exactly when I was ovulating. Still the river ran red month after month.

Finally January 2015 came and I dreaded doing what infertile couples dread doing…. I called my OBGYN for an infertility consultation.

Fast forward to the end of January 2015… we had our consultation, we got referrals to get JM a semen analysis, and a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and blood work for me. I made a promise to myself to start working out more than I already am, to start eating better, and to start praying harder.

I also made a very tough decision to change career paths in my company.  I was managing a team of 20 highly skilled, highly educated personnel the last couple of years.  I recognized the stress it was causing me and thought maybe if I eliminate some stress in my life, it will help me get pregnant.  At the end of January, I accepted a job as an analyst in my company and resigned as a program manager. I had a ton of mixed emotions about this decision, but I knew taking on an analyst position it would allow me the flexibility to go to doctor appointments during the week and I wouldn’t have to worry about putting 20 others before myself.  Selfish? Perhaps. But as a woman in a leadership position, it took a lot of bravery and courage to recognize that it was time to put my family first over my career. I was okay with that and knew I could always go back to managing one day.

Looks like we’re in for quite an expensive and unknown ride 2015. Cheers to the New Year. Storks are bitches.

ABOUT ME… ABOUT WE

That’s us. My husband, JM, and I are trying to start a family. We’re fertility challenged. Apparently the fertility gods were off duty the 40 weeks I was cookin’ in my mother’s belly and totally forgot about me. So here we are. A family of two. Still. Actually wait. We’re a family of 3 – can’t forget our beautiful little furbaby. It’s hard, really darn hard. And, quite frankly, I want to punch the next female that tells me they are pregnant or bitch out the next pregnancy announcement posted on Facebook.

JM and I adopted the best damn goldendoodle in the world, had what we consider an over-the-top fairytale wedding, went on our dream honeymoon, bought the perfect colonial white-house with a bright red door in the suburbs, paid off my college loans, and finally got our careers to the point where we were financially ready to have a child. Okay Stork Gods, we’re ready – exactly February 2014. Little did we know that what should be a fun and free experience – hasn’t been exactly fun or free for us.

Before JM and I got married, we had the typical “how many kids do you want” talk. He wants 4. I want 2. Here we are begging to just have 1. Never did it occur to us we should have had a conversation addressing “what if we can’t have kids” before getting married.

I don’t want this blog to read like a, “empty womb, open heart” or “baby dreams unrealized” type of blog. That is not me … or at least I try not to let that take over and be me. And though I support those women in their grieving and coping process who write blogs like that – because JM and I are also going through that – I’m not as interested in writing entry after entry on all the dirty details of failed baby making.  But guess what, it’s going to read like that anyways.

I need to raise awareness to those who have no clue what we’re going through or what other people who battle infertility go through. This blog may not leave anyone feeling better or more hopeful about infertility. I want to raise awareness to you all – awareness of the struggle of infertility, awareness of the silent disease called endometriosis, and most of all I want to laugh at myself at some point! People who struggle with this disease need to speak up. The US government and health insurances need to recognize that infertility is a major disease and they need to start paying for it. Everything about infertility is hard, so why can’t we take a minute to step back and appreciate the humor in what we are going through? Emotions. Emotions are what prevent us from laughing at what we’re having to go through.

So what will this blog give you? Honesty. The ugly truth. Again, I’m here to raise awareness, and I’m here to be honest. I will say things that we “baby challenged” people are always thinking and what we’re going through. Sure, I’m probably going to be ashamed of the things I’m going to blast out in the open – for even some of the closest people in my life to read – but I want to give you all validation. I may even offend some of the closest people to me, but this is life. Realism. The blunt cold truth about our infertility journey, our struggles, our marriage, and my health.

I welcome you to subscribe to my blog so that you can receive updates and alerts any time I post something new. I’m behind on documenting my journey, but as you’ll soon learn we’ve been incredibly busy. Most importantly, JM and I aren’t giving up.

– Jane